Friend.. a word that can slice deeper than ever in certain situations and lift you to the sky in others

Why is it, that we so want to control life? Time and time again, I have ignored feelings or hunches because they didn't fit in with the way I had things planned out. Why is it, that I can't just live each day as it comes? Live it for all that it is worth? Live it for all the experiences and people that make an impression on me that day?

Life can't be controlled. People in life can't be controlled. You can't stop events from happening just because you don't want them to happen. You can't rewind the clock to take back meeting someone. You can't go back and say no to something you did, because the consequences are just now hitting you in the face.

I suppose it is a very good thing that we can't control our lives or the events in them. Sure I can control what I wear each day, what I eat, etc. but the big things.... The things that make us who we are, the people who make us who we are. The hurt, the pain, the joy, the laughter, those are the things that shape and mold us.

Now, you probably think I am some control freak... not the case. I like to look at my life as ordered chaos. I like to look at the positive things rather than the negative ones, but of course I am human, I am not perfect (i got some of you on that one, I am sure), and I feel. I feel a lot. I just don't often show the negative feelings. No one needs that. Everyone has their own things to deal with and I am not about to think that my drama is bigger than yours. Never.

So, we live and we learn and life goes on. I learn to let life happen. I learn to take in everything I can. I learn to trust those hunches immediately rather than months down the road. I learn that not everyone is who they seem. I learn that the best friends in life will lay with you, sharing in your pain while you cry yourself to sleep. They are the people who will answer the phone to you as your world changes, who will stand up to assholes in the bar who have one thing in mind, who are there for you in good times and in bad. They are the people worth fighting for.