Not just one moment...

So I am sitting here, wondering what questions I would want to know of someone else and I asked myself how would I respond if I were to be asked these questions... you know what, I didn't have an answer. I am actually a really private person, and I have trouble letting others in and showing them the core of me. What has caused this reaction, I am not sure. Sure I have been hurt in the past but who hasn't? And it certainly wasn't traumatic enough to cause me to build the wall I have built, but I am looking into tearing it down. And step one is to figure out who I am and I haven't looked into myself yet to figure it out.

Of course I know who I am, I am Jan Bowling, I live in my body... but who am I really and can I really show someone else who I am if I am not even quite sure myself?

The question that prompted all of this is What are you most proud of? Funny how I could answer that question for others, but when I thought about what I am most proud of, I drew a blank.

So here it is, the delve into my past to figure out the answer to this question.

I am proud of myself for making it thus far in my academics. In march I will be able to say that I am proud of myself for graduating college with two undergraduate degrees. No matter how many people do it, or the fact that my family members are graduates, doesn't diminish or belittle the fact that I will have achieved this personally for myself.

I am proud of myself for studying abroad. Not everyone takes themselves out of their comfort zones and by living in another country in a host family's house, I really took myself out of my comfort zone, and I think it is the time in my life where I may have learned the most about myself and the time in my life when I really wanted to find out who I am.

This past year in college...ok well 3 months, I have really changed and learned a lot. I realized I didn't like some of the decisions I was making and I decided to change the way I lived in order to move away from the mistakes I was making. I really put the things that are important in my life (God, family, school) ahead of the fun things college has to offer. I want to live a pure and healthy life, take the opportunity of life that God has given and really embrace all that it has to offer. I want to explore the world, try new things, especially ones I am afraid of.

The thing that I am the most afraid of is putting myself out there subject to rejection. Who isn't scared of that? So here I am taking life by the reigns and really living to the fullest. I no longer am going through the motions, but I am moving off of the beaten path and I am getting the most out of life. No longer will I not try something because I am afraid of it, or of what others will say. Once I accomplish this, which I honestly cannot fully accomplish until I die, it will be the thing I am most proud of.

So up until this moment in my life, I am most proud of waking up each and every day with the intention of being the best I can be. It sounds totally cliche, but its not. I want to touch others lives and inspire them to live life to the fullest.

I haven't saved anyone's life, I haven't hiked Mt. Everest (or even a hill in Cincinnati), broken a record, but I have the desire to take the opportunities set before me and giving my fullest attention and motivation to absorbing all that it can offer. So I guess I don't have one defining moment of which I am most proud, I have a few and I will continue adding to this list of accomplishments.